Okay this post maybe just a long rant but here it goes. Is dating like a boxing match? I’m starting to think so. When you first meet you kinda shake hands, then you put your defenses up. Who can outplay the other. I mean I don’t want to play games, I just want someone to talk to at this point and that actually wants to talk to me, that might have some of the same interest as me. Also, that their life isn’t a complete disaster.
I mean I understand disaster just because I have it around me all the time, but I don’t want it in my home. My home should be a quiet place. A place of calm and reflection with all that I enjoy to do or be, shouldn’t it? I mean I have enough soap opera drama at work, I don’t want it at my house. What changed in dating? Have I been gone that long? You go out, someone buys u dinner or you pay half, and you go home? Right?
You communicate now!! You say something now a days, goes in the ear but they act like you didn’t say anything at all? NO I’m not rich, NO I can’t pay you bills, NO I don’t want the added responsibility of you coming to my house, for one how are you getting here? And do I really want you to know where I live? For two how are you leaving? Without a car? NO I don’t want to take you home. (Screaming loudly). Does anyone work? I mean I have several jobs, not just one? I mean I sew, I also sell paintings and books. JUST TO GET BY!!
I don’t sit on a couch and watch tv or play video games all day?!! Then ask someone that I don’t really know for money. Has every single person went nuts? Okay maybe I’m just superficial. Maybe it’s just me? I’m starting to think so? I don’t want drama, I want someone that has their shit together!! (Again, Screaming loudly). That can pay for half of a dinner, that has a job, and a car, and a place to live (not with parents)! And is not an emotional basket case, and/or will not say they are in love after one date. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here.
Maybe I am? If you don’t have a job, a car, and a place to live, I don’t think you should be in a dating website. Just my opinion. Like I said I maybe nuts, but I really don’t think this is to much to ask? The LBGTQIA community really needs to get some better apps. Like for educated, motivated, hard working, driven, simple minded people.
I don’t think I’m being picky here? Maybe I should just make my own app. Maybe I should just design one where it would be like having good credit, if you don’t have a job, a car, or a place to live, you can’t join. Like the water department, show proof by way of lease, or drivers license. Just some thoughts I wanted to put out there. Just frustrated and a little defeated. Guess I’ll never learn. I still have hope, damn it, that someone out there in this vast world and out of the billions of people that there is someONE for me!!!!
Okay, you can go back to your lives, now. My long rant is officially over…… (or the rant is just to be continued at a later time and date) no pun intended….
Dating is challenging because I don’t think people understand what love is. Especially, lesbians. There are so many things to consider, the roles, now people not identifying. Figuring out some basic things. Then, hopefully they’ve healed from whatever drama came after they came out.
I could have married my first partner, but we came out together. Her parents disowned her. My family was excited. We didn’t have the kind of support system my straight cousins benefit from. Like my uncle took my cousin’s three children for the entire summer so he and his wife could work on their marriage. Most of my cousins married people they met in high school. As I’m writing this, I just realized they are all still married. Some went to college together and didn’t have kids until they both graduated. One of my cousins and her husband both waited until they completed Phds.
I’m currently in love, and I didn’t actually know until we’re going on three years. I’ve been in love before and it probably didn’t work because my ideas about love weren’t true.
Like, who teaches you what love should look like? My parents were together twenty years but their relationship wasn’t very healthy. My idea about love was, I just didn’t want that. My dad loves to argue, and so does his partner of about eight years. I can’t imagine them apart. My dad is the happiest I’ve ever seen him. He’s also someone I didn’t know growing up. He’s an entirely different person in this relationship.
He enjoys cooking and cleaning. He has a schedule for cleaning baseboards. His girlfriend is tornado. He does her laundry and puts it away. He’s always been super honest. He enjoys life.
My mom… she doesn’t let anyone get too close. Some days I feel bad, it feels like she is still searching and trying to accept herself.
My mom doesn’t have the arguing but she isn’t happy. My dad is content, which is so weird.
I hear you on the person not being a disaster. My life is so peaceful right now. Love should be peaceful, affirming…
Thanks for ur comment. I have so many things I want to say, first yes dating is hard, and getting to the bottom of who your actually dating and not the sugar coated version of someone is very hard. My family actually does not speak to me, as well. I’m sure for more reasons than just my sexual orientation. And yes who does teach you about love? I’m not sure if I was given the opportunity to know what true love looks like which is probably why many of my relationships did not work, I have learned a lot over the last two years about healing the effects of my childhood and how to love someone, which I hope will help my next relationship. I just want peace in my relationships now not craziness, I have enough craziness at work. I not settling anymore on that aspect. Again thank you for your comment I agree with a lot of it.
Truth be told, relationships and dating in general is becoming hard. There is just too much to be done, damn!!
Hah. And here I thought it was just me. I’d given up years ago.
My psychologist keeps asking me if I’m interested in a romantic relationship (and I’m pretty certain she’s not hitting on me!), and I keep responding with stuff like the above. I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t even pretend to date.
Coffee? Fine. Let’s chat about stuff. Let’s be goofy. Why on earth do people get dressed up for people they don’t know? If we can’t meet while I’m in jeans and a t-shirt for the first time, forget it – my life is spent in jeans and a t-shirt, and if you can’t handle that, let’s just nip it in the bud right now.
I don’t want to impress anyone, I don’t need to impress anyone. If we riff, we riff, and if we don’t, no real emotional investment – PLUS – if you’re a cool lady (that’s my thing) then we might still hang out as friends, because I’m completely ok with the platonic. Just let me be me, just let you be you.
And yeah, I don’t think you need to know where I live, I don’t feel like dropping you home maybe and won’t be guilted into it, and I want any time I spend out to be of more value than I could spend by myself.
Now, the thing about LGBQT+ apps is interesting. I didn’t even know there were apps, but it makes sense. I don’t use apps for dating. Everyone lies on dating sites and I have no time for that. I’m a short guy so right off the bat I’m not going to get attention, and being dishonest about that is just stupid. “No really… when I wrote the profile, I *was* 7’3″, but aliens abducted me and used a shrinking ray on me!”. Dating apps just bake in biases.
Gimme regular old human contact with comfortable silences. I’m good.
Wow I think ur wrong about your psychologist… lol and sometimes I do pretend I’m dating just so I don’t have to go into details about y I don’t have have anyone. I guess the longer I’m alone the more I don’t care. Lol
I could be wrong. I’m generally oblivious, but I think it’s just professional interesting.
Yeah, I get the pressure of ‘not having anyone’ in certain circumstances, but I’ve become pretty good at asking why anyone needs anyone. There’s a lot of societal pressure about it.
Yeah, the longer I’ve been alone, the less I have cared. It’s pretty freeing, I think, but that’s just me and may not be healthy. I don’t even know that anyone knows what being healthy is. 🙂
Love your rant, I’m going through such a messy breakup, young child involved. I agree with the car, money and job rule. I’d sign up.
My last two relationships 9 and 4 years, 2 children, I wouldn’t even know where to start. I’m still living with ex and waiting for all to change. I can support myself but they cannot.
I thought maybe I should go on a dating app again, but I think that is disrespectful on so many levels. I can wait, fuck knows if I will trust again, probably, but at 40 even dating would worry me when it comes round.
If you’re ever making an app and you want to do it for people who want to just talk to someone let me know
I agree I’m glad my kids are grown and I just have to deal with me
Yes, dating is like a boxing match in the ways you describe and also because its moments and dates can be dancing, connecting and not connecting (like punches), striking, and knockout. Hooked by your observations and hopeful that there’s someone for you, Patty.
Maybe…I won’t hold my breath, that’s for sure.
Why does it feel like I’m always getting punch when I’m dating maybe I just need a break
Having also gotten hurt when dating, I feel for you. The thought of feeling punched when dating and that feeling at that time being responded to with a possible break are making me consider what if these are signs of Newton’s Third Law and/or reminders from and of the universe (and/or nature) balancing everything and everyone. Every time you (or anyone else) feel punched is a chance to learn from it and a chance for you (and maybe even others) to get better (like Simba learning from Rafiki and ducking and not getting struck again by the latter’s stick in “The Lion King)”. I still have hope that you will learn and that you will get better.
Good point
Couldn’t agree more…and good to have a rant (I do it all the time)
But don’t lose faith, maybe stop looking and possibly “the universe” will help you find someone, it usually happens when you least expect it.
Believe it or not Synchronicity does sometimes work
Yea that’s my plan
Wow, well said lovey. I am not currently working but I am creative and building works up. I have mental health issues a plenty but I am not currently putting myself out there in the LGBTQ world as I am not in the right place.
I still get fake profiles trying to chat me up then eventually asking me for money etc.
My perfect girl will be out there and I have to believe that she will arrive when the time is right.
Good luck to you and ranting is good for the soul xx
Thanks I still have hope, but maybe I should just lay low for now.
Just try out good vibes out there xxx