Not Giving a Fuck

Not Giving a Fuck
Not Giving a Fuck

Is the skill of not caring an art? It must be. To lay next to someone crying and know you’re the reason why they are crying and fall asleep peacefully it must be an art. I can’t do it. I sometimes wish I could. It sometimes sucks to feel every emotion of a person when you stand next to someone. To take on all their energy it drains you. It sometime paralyzes you. It definitely gives you headaches. I just wish that sometimes I wouldn’t care so much. That I would let stuff roll off my back easier. That I could sleep soundly at night when someone really hurts my feelings.

I do have to say it does make me a better nurse though. I can take control of a room quicker because I can feel what’s going to possibly happen before it happens. Probably because I can feel what the person beside me is feeling and anticipate what their next move will be. Which is very hard to explain to people. If you’re a sensitive person you know what I’m talking about. I just want someone to understand me. I wish I wasn’t so sensitive to sounds, lights, and crowds. And, I wish there was a switch I could turn it off like some people.

Or maybe some people really don’t know when someone is hurting? When they are upset? Or when someone is angry? I wish there was a way to teach the ‘shut off’ trick to someone. I’m not sure if I could ever learn it or will learn it!! I think I like the switch idea better but alas I don’t have a switch. I’m stuck caring more than I should, feeling energies I don’t want to feel, and being sensitive to lights and sound.

I have read over and over to just don’t worry about things you can’t control. Easier said than done for someone like me. The art of not giving a fuck is foreign to me but some days I wish it wasn’t. Some days I just want to rest and not feel all the things in my head, my heart, or the people around me. Why can’t I not give a fuck?

31 thoughts on “Not Giving a Fuck

  1. I too am a highly sensitive person. I often think of it as my blessing/curse, but often it feels more like a curse. I’m also a deep deep feeler of emotions. I can’t imagine being an empath and having to be in the profession you’re in. So it’s understandable why you would wish for that gift of not giving a fuck. You’re like a true hero, sacrificing your own sanity for the sake of making people feel cared for. That is hard and beautiful at the same time. Anyway, appreciate your transparency. Makes all of us empaths and sensitive people feel like we’re not the only ones feeling like we’re the only ones.

  2. For compassionate people, especially professionals, not caring is not an option because the app was never installed. We are blessed by you being with us in this world. Thank you.

  3. Having a loving, caring heart is a great thing. Even though it often doesn’t feel that way. Thank you for being you. Sincerely. I hope your day brightens. Truly. Your friend, JST-

  4. Agree, some people “seem” to have no feelings, really they don’t. I’ve learned from life experience to be better at shutting off emotions. It does no good, especially like you mentioned when people don’t even recognize when “you/we” have been loving and caring. Communicating with people is not easy for sure. Being a nurse is not easy, I commend you!

  5. Just one man’s opinion . . . those of us who work in emotionally charged fields (I’ve been a funeral director for 40 years and also spent 32 years as a firefighter/EMT) can’t help but absorb the energy, both positive and negative, we experience day in and day out. Developing effective coping mechanisms, especially talking it out with others, is crucial. I’ve been blessed to be a good sleeper (most of the time) but I still remember tragic calls from decades ago when I drive through a certain intersection, or the spot on the road where a 12 year old girl was killed on her bike. Then there are the deaths I was involved in at my funeral homes. . . It is difficult for caring people to stop caring, even to their own detriment. You can’t build bridges to places that may not exist. The key is to manage our emotions and we all manage them differently. Sorry for the rambling, but I can’t get more cogent than that.

      1. You always remember your first…like that 12 year old girl…Lisa Gumbar. That was probably 1976. I witnessed the raw data of death for the first time. Thousands later, it’s usually just another day at the office, but I still treat each family the same as it’s just not another day for them. I have a blog post about this I will try to find later and send it here.

  6.     There are multiple problems in discussing this. This is part of a large field of taboos related to someone being “psychic.” Just “knowing something” without sufficient tangible clues is in this category. “Empath” is a semantic dodge for something more comprehensive. Most people have their “switch” in the off position through early childhood scolding that such things don’t exist.
        I have seen “meditation” tapes (taboo word “hypnosis”) which help someone become a “psychic” or “clairvoyant” or similar sense perception, BUT the suggestions on the tape that you can do it always includes an extra suggestion of “You can easily turn on or turn off your clairvoyant(or other) abilities…” and then sometimes keywords are given etc.. Most people struggle to turn on or become aware of such abilities. So you have the opposite problem I suppose. Except that it is so highly taboo that you’d be told that it’s actually the subconscious picking up of physical cues because people don’t want to admit to impossible things or unscientific things etc.

  7. Powerful post Patty. I agree with the person who says empaths can’t turn it off. You are more vulnerable but also more valuable than the person who can ignore hurting someone and still sleeps soundly. Self-care and self-protection and a felt sense of your worth is necessary. The world needs more people like you.

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