Confession. I really started this blog for I guess selfish reasons. I started it to really let my personal situations get out of my head. More like a journal to my life experiences. After all the people I have lost over the last four years I needed a release from all the sadness that I was holding onto and this blog has been that release. I have decided that I needed to think bigger. I need to help all those nurses out there that haven’t had an outlet to release all the hurt, pain, and loss. I’m not sure how I can help but I’m going to figure it out. I mean my own journey to healing I have found that I had bottled up so much hurt and loss that I was headed down a dangerous road that was leading me down an even darker highway.
Writing has been so therapeutic and eye opening. I have learned that I’m not alone, that I’m not useless, that I have so much love to give, and that’s why I went into nursing in the first place. It wasn’t to earn a lot of money, for sure. I thought I would be helping people instead of filling out paperwork. I thought that I would make a difference in this big old world.
Over the years it hasn’t felt like I was helping anyone. Fighting upper management, fighting Covid, cancer, or some other diseases, it felt like a large mountain that I was climbing alone. I didn’t feel like I was giving out anything but my own resentment. The only joyfulness I felt was helping patient’s with small things, like getting them a card for their own family members as a surprise or getting a patient a new pair of house shoes for their birthday.
Another point I would like to make, nurse’s in general are not supportive of each other in my experience. They are very vindictive, malicious, and some are cold hearted. I don’t feel like it’s a very caring profession when it comes to nurse’s lifting up other nurse’s. I have been lied on, schemed against, plotted maliciously about in the many years that I have been a nurse. Honestly, I wish it was different. I wish we would lift each other up, help each other out, and cheer each other on with smile on our faces. Maybe it’s because we do hang on to our hurt, emotional pain, and grief. I’m Not sure. I can only give you my opinion or perspective. I’m not sure How I can help other nurse’s but I can’t be the only one, right?